The Beginning!

So today has brought to me the ideas and feelings I need to move on with my life! I had a major breakdown today for the better!

I've called out for help today! Help that I so desperately need. I'm well over-weight and gaining! It's been the result from inactivity, and new found laziness! Qualities that clash with my idea of who I really am.

I have spent the last 6 years of my life gaining weight and talking about who I used to be. I haven't stopped until today to look at what I've become! Saying this draws the tears out! Is it self realization that has me upset or the job I have in front of me to change myself into the person I desire to be! Maybe it's the combination of both topped with Self pitty! Oh it's a sad story I must say, I've wasted the last 6 years of my life saying NO to things that would otherwise put me in glory! I've backed down from everything to outings with friends, shows with my boyfriend! Trips! Everything I would have loved to do!

I'm ashamed of myself. At this point in my life I don't want to be seen by anyone. It's so criminal to be this way when I enjoy life so much! I enjoy nature, I enjoy friends and meeting new people! I have canceled meetings with new found friends because of this!

So today I sent an email to 4 of my best friends! My mother, Boyfriend, and two of my close dear friends! I asked them for help. No more random eating binges together and hopefully more activities that will have me moving. In the email was also an apology for being so neglectful over the last few years, I am sorry!

But before this 6 years turns into 10 or the rest of my life, or even the end of my life, I need to make the changes necessary to live how I truly want to live! I would imagine this is how smokers and drug addicts feel when they want to quit!

Lord knows I'm not quitting! I'm not giving up! I have to do this. For everything that is good in the world I know I can do this! This is for my life! I need this! Good Luck to me!!